rollerblading ninjas

I think venting some of my frustration about my dreams has done me some good. Last night I dreamt about rollerblading ninjas so everythings cool, in the mind of this fool.

nowhere to run to

I've just found out that my subconcious has become an extremely boring place. Last night I awoke from a dream, not about sex, not about running away from government agents and not about riding a giant moth into battle against a horde of goblins. No last night I dreamt about having a discussion with the editors of Gamespot about computer parts. Right when Greg Kasavin was about to tell me why he thought the new intel 965 chipset was the one for him I awoke.

Man, my dreams used to be a place where I could escape from the mundanities of this world, now they've turned against me.

Running Free

I have changed my mind. I no longer want to be retarded. From now on I want to be a Traceur. That’s a person that takes part in Parkour or Free Running. Traceur translates literally, from French to English, as bullet. These guys are crazy. Like some kind of strange urban monkeys they run, climb and jump their way through the city. God help us if they ever use their powers for evil. If any of you have played the recent Prince of Persia games then you’ll have seen the types of stunts that these guys do, but they do it without the swords and the flamboyant vest. Check out a video of them in action here.

parkour

So yeah, soon I’ll be a traceur, or retarded, or the urban, retarded Prince of Persia. I suppose we’ll have to change that one to Iran. Hang on I’m the prince, I’ll call it whatever want to call it. Oh growing up is so confusing.

P.S. What is it with young white French guys feeling the need to grow terribly average Mustaches? Please let me know.

pesky ninjas

I have one question for you. Are you a bad enough dude?

the secret lives of dinosaurs

The things you come up with when you search for random words in Google can often lead to beautiful nuggets of net weirdness. Do it. Type in the first few word that come into your head. Off you go. You may come up with something as beautiful as I did when for some reason I searched for dinosaur comics. I am sure that this is how anyone who's not my friend comes across my pile of time wasting drivel.

Here's the first link that came up.

www.qwantz.com

I'm not sure if the man who makes these comics is a genius or has that extra chromosome I was talking about the other day. This seems to be the embodiment of ADHD in internet comic form (or is it Aspergers. I'm not quite sure). I have decided that the man who writes this is the Wesley Willis of online comics. Amazing stuff. I love the way that the lives of dinosaurs have been examined in a way that the terrible show from the 90's called Dinosaurs never did. Truly from a dinosaurs perspective.

words without pictures

It is becoming apparent that to fit in within the wonderful world of blogging I must appear to be artistic and misunderstood. I am therefore going to pretend I am and write a poem. But first a pretentious title -

words without pictures

he fell to the floor screaming
a broken mess of limbs and cloth.
we couldn't see his face
but he felt so real.
I can't tell now,
what was it he said?
a whisper, a dream a feeling

in two seconds flat
laid flat on his back
gasping for words
calling your name
and that whisper
that dream
that feeling
pleaded
'come closer my friend
so that you might remember,
and I might live'.

P.S. It's just words. Do you ask Miles where he got that note from. Where do you take your words from?...everywhere.

Whatever.

one chromosome away from happiness

When I grow up I want to have Down Syndrome.

It looks like a whole bundle of fun. Have you ever noticed that most intellectually disabled people seem to have purpose and drive in their lives that is lacking in us 'normal' people. Like take this guy for instance.



I was in Glenelg recently, a suburb of Adelaide, when I came across a man who had taken it upon himself to stand at the corner of a street that had a no right turn sign on it and enforce this sign to it's fullest. "NO RIGHT TURN, NO RIGHT TURN!", he bellowed at the passing cars. You should have seen him go crazy when one of his audience decided to ignore his demands and turn right anyway. I don't think that there has ever been anything that I have felt so strongly about as this guy did about his right turn.

I think to be retarded is to be truly fulfilled.

haXXorz vs Hacksaw wielding maniacs

I just played a flash game called 'Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer'. It's pretty damn scary how hard it is to tell the difference between the individuals within the two subcultures. I guess one solves problems to kill time and one kills all the time to solve problems(man that sounded way better in my head).

I managed to score 9/10. Not bad aye. I suppose that's what comes from spending a lot of time with freaks and geeks. Not much else to say but, see how you do.

Freaks or Geeks

number 9, number 9, number 9

If you don't already know 9 is the best fuckin' number on the planet. Check this out ok:

9x9=81, now the two digits from the answer ar 8 & 1.
8+1=9

237x9=2133
2+1+3+3=9

76123x9=685107
6+8+5+1+0+7=27
2+7=9

any multiple of 9 can have its numbers added up to 9 if brought down to single digits.

It's like looking into a mirror with a mirror behind you. It goes on forever. How good's that. That's more awesome than any sliced product be it dairy or grain based (until they invent loaves of sliced cream)

Today's post has been brought to you by the number 9 and the binary code 1001

to sleep, perchance to....

Have you ever woken up with an old hag sitting on your chest?

It hasn't got anything to do with me having a thing for WILF's you freak. I don't want to alientate anyone here but if your fetish is witches you're screwed up so piss off (I'm afraid I can't cater to such a niche audience).

No it's the name people in Newfoundland call sleep paralysis. In the West Indies it's believed that the spirit of a baby jumps on your chest and starts strangling you. Sleep paralyisis is even metioned in Romeo and Juliet. Scary shit I tell you what. If you haven't experienced it it involves waking up and not being able to move at all, usually not even speak. I personally sometimes experience hearing garbled voices and feel like someone is in the house or my room. Sometimes people even have visual weirdness. It's kind of like being pulled into a twisted version of our own everyday world. Very Silent Hill. Thank god it only lasts for about a couple of minutes.


It is believed that it is where the idea of incubi and succubi comes from. Along with this many people believe that these things also explain alien abduction stories.


At the same time as being full on freaky it's kind of cool and every time it happens I wish that i could make it happen at will. So to any demonesses out there feel free to drop by for some of my mortal seed any time and bring on the murderous spirit babies.

1337 5k!11z

ha, you're reading this. pwned suXXorz.

my 'wasting of your time' skillz are teh rock.

ttfn (that's 'dandy leet' speak for 'ta ta for now', in case you don't know. noobs.)

here's looking at you kid

The other night I was watching an infomercial on some skincare treatment that magically turns you from the hideous pig dog you know you are, into 'insert hot chick/guy of your choice'.

Anyways, as is the done thing, they interviewed experts in the field, such as Puff Daddy/P Diddy/, or what ever the hell that washed up rapper is calling himself these days. Soon after Mr. Combs had finished espousing his dermatological knowledge the next expert was called to the stand. It was at this instant that, for the very first time in my life, I was introduced to the group of professionals known as Aestheticians. I know that my jobs have titled me such moronic things as "care manager", but dude, the name of your profession sounds like the sort of ancient cult that worships Gozer from Ghostbusters.

Further investigation on my part, ie. a google search, revealed to me the secrets of the elusive, clandestine society known as the Aestheticians.

Turns out their job is to like the way things look. Wow, impressive. Not.

I wanted there to be more made up Sumerian gods involved.

rise my simian army.

Recently I read an article about how Stalin wanted to create an army of ape/human hybrid super soldiers by implanting monkey semen in 'volunteers'.

see the story from here

Yeah right, volunteers, sure.... "Hey crazy dictator can I have some monkey spunk shoved inside me." Yeah, ummmmm.. that's probably how it went. I think I might just offer to play cards with old people if I ever feel my community spirit rise up within me. Guess I'm living in a different era though, or something like that. Anyway monkey soldiers. Awesome huh.

All I can say is I want one, or maybe thousands.

And when I gather my great and mighty ape army/travesty of nature all ye who doubted that man with the enormous moustache shall have vengeance reaped upon thee.

Rambo is also much cooler as a monkey man too..... and doesn't he have his mother's eyes.

green of all shapes and sizes

A long time ago a bogan with dorky glasses, an amazing blonde mullet and a love of 80's metal once told me, "You like green I like pussy. It's not a crime."

I still like green.

my 1st born

This is not a post, or a pipe.